DIVORCE…

What an ugly word…….

I recently sat down with my daughter and well know talk show host, Drew Barrymore, to talk about how divorce affected my family, specifically my children and the healing process between myself and my children. I never wanted to hurt my children. I love them very much. I honestly believed that if I waited until they graduated from high school to leave, they would be fine, they would not need me anymore. That was the first of many lies the devil would feed me to make me believe that leaving my family was the right thing. I did end up leaving just one month before my youngest graduated high school. Turns out your children always need you, no matter what their age.

I was a mess. I was selfish. I was angry all the time. I wanted everything my own way and I wanted to be in control of everything. All these things were giving the devil a foothold. I was moving farther and farther away from God. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I wasn’t happy and I expected my children and my husband to make me happy and keep me there. I would go thru the motions but everyday I just felt like I wanted and deserved more, I was so full of pride.

My leaving, tore my family apart. Once I moved out, I worked a lot and tried not to think about what I did but, the guilt wouldn’t stop. It kept hitting me like waves hitting the sea shore. The whole time I kept having these feelings deep inside that I needed God. My relationship with my children was healing but my relationship with God needed a lot of work. I needed to ask for forgiveness from God, from my children, from my now ex-husband and I needed to forgive myself. Forgiving myself was the hardest. I still have times when I feel guilty for hurting my family but then I remember I am forgiven. God loves me.

Building trust again……

It took time but my children eventually forgave me. We talked about what I did. I explained why I thought I had to do it. I talk to them about the lessons I have learned. I also realized that if I had to do it over, I would have done things differently, but we all know hindsight is 20/20. We are building trust again between us. My son and I usually spend time together on Saturday mornings. He comes to visit and have breakfast and we catch up. I go on vacations with my daughter to the beach and I visit her when can in. I talk to both of them regularly on the phone. It is taking time but, I am trusting God to restore our relationship.

The God of forgiveness and restoration….

Isn’t it wonderful to know that no matter what we do or how far we wander off course, that God never forgets about us. He is always there waiting for us to come back into the fold and ready to forgive us. I had wandered far off course, hurt many people and listened to all the lies the devil was telling me. I was broken but God welcomed me back. I knew I was wrong and I needed help, God’s help and I ran as fast I could into God’s wide open arms. He healed me. He forgave me and He is restoring my relationship with my children. What the devil meant for evil, God will use for good. Praise God!!

I just want to say to any friends out there who see this, divorce is not always the answer. Seek help from a counselor, pastor, trusted friend. Too many lives are destroyed and you will usually end up in a worse or same situation. Think about all people involved first. God wants his very best for you.

Romans 4:7-8 Blessed and Happy and Favored are those whose lawless acts have been forgiven, and whose sins have been covered up and completely buried. Blessed and Happy and Favored is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account nor charge against him.

Genesis 50:20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present outcome, that many people would be kept alive.

Remember God loves you and so do I.

God Bless You

If you would like to further this conversation or ask me any questions, contact me here.